Petesophizing...

Thanks to the thoughtfulness of an old friend, last night I was able to attend Absolutely The Best Party 11, the annual AIDS research benefit sponsored by the Wisconsin AIDS Fund, with a VIP ticket. All VIP's received a stainless steel flask with a few ounces of vodka in it as a party favor. Still, the lines for the bar were long all night. Everyone drinking.

What happened to "gay energy"? Few people, gay or straight, dressed for the Las Vegas theme. The Party's new location, the Pfister Hotel, induced cognitive dissonance: there are no musty curtains in Las Vegas reminding you your wealth was inherited. I didn't know a soul, other than my companions.

The best appetizer, a one-shrimp cocktail in a shot glass full of sauce, produced piles of half-eaten shrimp and bloody shot glasses. I'm sure I'm the only attendee who ate the crunchy shrimp fins at the end of the tail and drank the remaining cocktail sauce like a horseradish shooter. Three times. The third one I had out in the hallway.

Tommy Femia took the stage doing his Judy Garland Live show. "Pfister? I hardly even know her." The sense of Weimar-coated gloom was complete.

I was in performance mode, too, believing I was not sharing in the despair -- over the cause, (AIDS treatment now heavy with unmentionable income and class considerations), over the same old 11,000 Dow, and over how the buffet of mini-food uncannily whispered that none of us would ever experience true cleverness or charm again. I thought I'd risen above it all. So what if beef tenderloin is now the size of Scrabble tiles on tiny toast. You just eat more of them!

This morning I think I might have been pretty depressed myself. I recall now that I quipped to my companions, including my generous sponsor, that I have an idea for a restaurant to feature 72 nubile waitresses and a river of yogurt. I didn't even realize I'd put a stinger on the end of the scorpion's tail. I designed a place where the carriage trade -- and how do you get to the Pfister if not in a carriage -- can sit back, relax, and receive their just reward at the end of a long day.