Petesophizing...

How many Gibsons had Gibson? How mellow was Mel?

Christopher Beam (a Slate intern), writing for the magazine's generally appealing Explainer series, (recently: Are Snowflakes Really Different?, Did Stress Kill Ken Lay? and I Want A Butt Double, How Much Will I Have To Pay?) says Malibu Mel was "Pretty Drunk" -- with a blood-alcohol level of 0.12.

Now wait a minute. Not long ago the legal limit was 0.10. Is 0.12 really that drunk? Yes, I'm speaking as a resident of Wisconsin.

Kevin C. Barry is a resident of Racine, Wisconsin. Last Friday night when he drove through a barricade in Milwaukee's Third Ward and into a jazz festival Kevin C. Barry of Racine had a blood-alcohol level of 0.20. Nobody was hurt. A Milwaukee County Sheriff was having dinner at The Wicked Hop and arrested him. Even with a 0.20 blood-alcohol level he was smart enough to remain unconscious and not give voice to any racial epithets.

I'm speaking also as a recent graduate of The Bartending Academy Of Wisconsin, where on the final exam I had to make 24 drinks in 20 minutes. I remembered the ingredients to a Golden Cadillac but forgot to salt the rim on a Margarita.

In Urbana, IL, Lawrence Bouser was arrested a fifth time for D.U.I., with a blood-alcohol content of 0.26. Last week his sentence was probation. He'd already spent a year in jail in Wisconsin for his previous offenses. We don't like "Illinois Drivers". I'm glad to read he seems to be getting his life in order now. That's doin' some drink'n -- 0.26.

I'm speaking also as the co-founder of Adult Children Of Alcoholics Who Still Want To Drink (ACAWSWTD). We have no website and only one bylaw: You can't ruin your life drinking the same cocktail your parent(s) used to ruin theirs. Add ice, at least. Or change the garnish.

Mel Gibson is claiming total irrationality -- he's inventing "state-dependent anti-Semitism" -- with a blood-alcohol content of only 0.12. COME ON. We have some cakes and pies here that will get your blood-alcohol level up to 0.12.